I actually wrote this whole long-ass blog last week and as I was getting ready to submit it, I accidentally hit the back button and LOST THE WHOLE GODDAMNED THING.

It took me like a week to get over my anger. But here I go again. This time, I’m typing it up in a word doc first.

Here they are, in chronological order:

1. The One with George Stephanopoulos

Ross, upset about it being the anniversary of his first time with Carol, goes to a hockey game with Chandler and Joey and gets a puck in the face; they end up at the hospital, where Ross reveals that Carol is the only woman he's even been intimate with. Rachel gets a visit from her old friends, which depresses her about her life. The women have a slumber party, which isn't very fun until they spy on George Stephanopoulos.

2. The One After the Super Bowl (Parts 1 and 2)
A TV commercial featuring a Monkey reminds Ross of Marcel. Ross decides to visit Marcel at the San Diego Zoo, since he's going to a convention in Los Angeles. Once there, he is told by a zoo representative that Marcel has died; however, an eccentric zoo keeper (Dan Castelleneta, the voice of Homer Simpson) tells him Marcel was stolen and put into show business. Ross' search leads him back to New York, where Marcel is filming Outbreak II: The Virus Takes Manhattan. Joey begins dating Erika (Brooke Sheilds) a, a stalker who thinks he's really his soap opera character, Dr. Drake Ramoray. Phoebe dates Rob (Chris Isaak), a guy who hires her to sing songs for children at the library. Her songs are a little too real for the kids' parents. She gets fired, but all the kids come to the coffee house so they can still hear her.
The gang spends time on Marcel's movie set. Ross has a hard time getting time or attention from Marcel. Chandler bumps into Susie Moss (Julia Roberts), a girl he knew in the fourth grade, whom he embarrased by lifting her skirt during the class play. She comes on really strong but it turns out to be an elaborate scheme to get back at him. Monica and Rachel see Jean-Claude Van Damme; when Rachel tries to get him interested in Monica, he asks Rachel out instead, causing a rift between the roommates. Joey gets a small part in the movie but doesn't perform too well.

3. The One with the Prom Video

Joey, now earning money, gives Chandler an expensive (and gaudy) gold bracelet. Joey is hurt when he finds out Chandler doesn't like it (he calls it "eyesore from the Liberace House of Crap" and a "reject from the Mr. T collection.") Monica has a job interview with a restaurant manager who has a salad fetish. Rachel's starting to date again, which prompts Ross to interfere... until she makes it clear that they are never going to get together. Phoebe shares her "lobster" theory. Jack and Judy Geller come by to drop off some of Monica's things; they're turning her room into a gym. Monica tells them about losing her job, but she just can't get the courage to ask them for money. Amongst Monica's items from home is a video of herself and Rachel preparing for their Senior Prom. Rachel's pre-surgery nose, Monica's large stature, and Ross' "Mr. Kotter" look are featured. In the video, Rachel's date doesn't show up and she's distraught about having to miss her own Prom. Ross prepares to take her, but just before this is revealed, Rachel's date shows up. Rachel, watching the video for the first time, is so moved by Ross' compassion for her that she forgives him for "the list" and kisses him passionately. Monica discovers some unexpected footage of her parents at the end of the video tape.

4. The One Where No One's Ready

Ross has an important night but no one else is ready to go. Joey and Chandler fight about chairs and clothes (Joey: “Look, I’m Chandler. Could I BE wearing any more clothes?”. Joey spills hummus on Phoebe's dress. Monica hears an old message from Richard and thinks that it might be new; she leaves him a message which she then tries to erase, but just makes it worse. Rachel can't decide what to wear; Ross gets angry and Rachel decides not to go... unless he drinks the fat.

5. The One with the Flashback

Prompted by a question from Janice, the group has a flashback revealing events which occurred three years earlier:

Chandler searches for a roommate; Cute Naked Guy puts on weight; Phoebe secretly moves out of Monica's apartment; The bar is closing to make way for a coffee shop; Mr. Heckles could play the oboe; Rachel contemplates her upcoming marriage to Barry; Mr. Heckles could be Chandler's new roommate; Ross is happy that Carol has found a new friend -- Susan; "Almost" relationships are revealed between Joey and Monica, Monica and Chandler, Chandler and Rachel, Ross and Phoebe.

6. The One with the Jellyfish

Ross dumps Bonnie, which takes all night; she leaves in the morning. Meanwhile, Rachel writes a long letter to Ross that she needs him to read before they get back together; he tries to read it but falls asleep... then has to fake it when she asks him about it; Ross agrees with the letter before he finds out what it says; once he finds out the letter asks him to accept the breakup was all his fault, he's not sure he can keep up the charade. Phoebe is upset that her real mother (Teri Garr) never tried to contact her; she tells her mother she never wants to see her again, but her mother finally convinces her to reconcile. Ursula knew about their real mother all along, but never told Phoebe. Monica, Chandler, and Joey spend the day on the beach; Joey digs a hole; Monica gets stung by a jellyfish. Joey remembers that peeing on a jellyfish sting takes the pain away; Monica "can't bend that way" and Joey gets "Stage Fright," leaving Chandler. Ross can't stand hiding his feelings and he and Rachel break up again.

7. The One with the Embryos
(This is my second favorite episode EVER)

The guys' chicken is becoming a rooster. Phoebe undergoes the procedure to implant embryos in her uterus; the pressure is high as Frank Jr. and Alice can only afford the procedure once. Monica and Rachel bet that they know Chandler and Joey better than Chandler and Joey know them; Ross writes the questions (game show style) and eventually the stakes are raised: If the girls win, the chick and the duck have to go. If the guys win, they get the girls' apartment.

THE QUIZ SHOW ANSWERS:

• Monica's biggest pet peeve is animals dressed as humans.
• Chandler claims that Michael Flatley - the Lord of the Dance - scares the "bejeezus" out of him. "His legs flail about as if independent from his body!" Chandler offers by way of explanation.
• The name of Ross and Monica's dead grandmother - whose funeral Joey and Chandler both attended in The One Where Nana Dies Twice - is Althea.
• The name of Chandler's father's Las Vegas all-male burlesque is "Viva Las Gay-Gas."
• Monica's field hockey goalie nickname was "Big Fat Goalie."
• Rachel claims her favorite movie is Dangerous Liaisons; her actual favorite movie is Weekend at Bernie's.
• Monica got a pencil stuck in her ear when she was 14.
• Monica has eleven categories for her towels - including Everyday Use, Fancy, Guest, and Fancy Guest.
• Joey's favorite food is sandwiches.
• Chandler was 19 when he first touched a girl's breast.
• When he was a child, Joey had an imaginary friend named Maurice, who was a space cowboy.
• Joey and Chandler's tv guide was delivered to "Miss Chanandler Bong"

8. The One with All the Thanksgivings

After Thanksgiving dinner at Monica's, the gang tells stories about their worst Thanksgivings ever. In a series of flashbacks, we see Chandler learning of his parent's divorce (1978); Phoebe losing an arm (twice) in past lives (1862 and 1915); Joey with his head in a turkey (1992); Chandler hurting Monica's feelings (1987); and Monica getting a little more revenge than she planned, when Chandler loses a toe (1988).

9. The One Where Everybody Finds Out

(This is my ALL-TIME favorite Friends episode)

Ugly Naked Guy prepares to move, and Ross applies to sublet the apartment. Competition for the place is fierce, so when a bribe doesn't seal the deal, Ross decides to cultivate and exploit a common interest--nakedness. Phoebe, while looking at Ross' potential new apartment with Rachel, looks out the window and sees Chandler and Monica "doing it." Phoebe and Rachel decide to use their knowledge of this romance to play some practical jokes on Monica and Chandler--jokes which include Phoebe making passes at Chandler. Monica realizes they must know, so she and Chandler play along, and each side tries to see who will crack first. But Chandler ends up professing his love to Monica. Now everybody knows, except Ross. ...Until he gets the apartment, looks out the window, and suddenly has a return of his rage problem.

10. The One that Could Have Been (parts 1 and 2)
News that Barry and Mindy are getting divorced gets the gang wondering what their lives would be like if Rachel married Barry; if Ross's wife Carol hadn't realized she was a lesbian; if Monica was still fat; if Joey was still on Days of Our Lifes; if Chandler had quit his data entry job to pursue writing; and if Phoebe was a stock broker:
Ross and Rachel, both in unhappy marriages, run into each other on the street after not seeing each other for years. Ross brings Rachel to Central Perk to see Monica; Rachel quickly swoons over Joey, aka Dr. Drake Ramoray. Monica is dating the very boring Dr. Roger. Chandler is unemployed, but takes a job as Joey's assistant, which doesn't work out very well; but he is inspired by the experience and sells his first story to Archie Comics. Phoebe is ruthless and greedy, and has a heart attack after losing 13 million dollars on the stock market. While she's in the hospital, Ross finds out she's fired, but he doesn't dare tell her, fearing it will cause another heart attack. Ross suggests to Carol that they spice up their non-existant sex life. Carol doesn't like any of his ideas... except having a threesome. Rachel decides to have a fling with Joey. Monica reveals she's still a virgin.
In the continuation of the alternate reality: Ross and Carol have a threesome with Susan, but Ross feels left out. Phoebe goes stir-crazy in the hospital, and sneaks back to work, only to find our she's been fired, and promptly has another heart attack. Rachel spends the evening at Joey's, but gets drunk and sick, and passes out. Monica decides it's time to have sex with Dr. Roger, but he gets paged and leaves. Chandler and Monica decide to have a one-night stand, but afterwards Chandler convinces her to dump the doctor and be with him. Rachel, relieved that she didn't cheat on Barry, returns home and find Barry in bed with another woman... their neighbor's dog walker. She returns to the city to hook back up with Joey, but runs into Ross. They console each other on their bad marriages and Rachel helps Ross realize that Carol is a lesbian. Phoebe goes back to singing at the coffee house.